tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-55271546712771930202024-03-21T11:36:44.085-02:30Map to JoyBrandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.comBlogger33125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-80277023116444489892014-10-21T18:46:00.001-02:302014-10-21T18:46:21.797-02:30I probably should have knownAs the one-month gap between my posts might suggest, I am not really good at restrictions when it comes to expression. I probably should have known that doing a daily blog was not a good fit for the way my mind works. <i>Formatted pictures? Daily posts that have to follow the same pattern? Commitment?! RUN! FLEE! HIDE!</i><br />
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However, I wanted to say that starting this blog really sparked a good thing in my life. Having to find at least one thing in the day that I was grateful for helped to move my mind into that track. There have been so many days this past month that I have stopped and thought, "I am really grateful for these belly laughs" or "I am so grateful for that conversation" or "I am so thankful that we got to spend the day this way."<br />
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This is sort of a goodbye, but more like a "stay tuned." I actually have a more permanent blog in mind and have just been waiting for the time to create and launch it. It'll be a blog where I don't have to format pictures every day and where I can talk about the subject matter that really weighs on my mind. There are so many things I want to explore and share, and this type of format just wasn't the place for it.<br />
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I will end my second-last Map to Joy post with the things I am grateful for today:<br />
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1) English friends who bring chocolate-mint "biscuits" to work. (How can you refuse a chocolate-covered anything when it is offered with a lovely accent like that?)<br />
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2) Friends who make me laugh.<br />
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3) The readers of this blog - you guys are incredibly supportive! I got more positive feedback from this blog than any of the others I have published. It really means a lot when you are baring your soul, so to speak, to know that people are reading and want to open a dialogue about it.<br />
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I will be back in the next few weeks to tell you about my new blog, so stay tuned!<br />
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<br />Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-26847479825802955662014-09-26T23:27:00.001-02:302014-09-26T23:27:04.559-02:30Day 36: TGIF<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjMIcKE4stkMSDnkwhzD7DOG36jyjWDF63yRnEe1JU157Rmmit97AKWsWi7MQmixgNbqy8tp4H-j8HDF4cxIpVEZJRCEEc6bXTE8EjQYfZ8cNTAQH1TTYexMxorEgbfI1jopXNc-H4MYw/s640/blogger-image-1696345253.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjjMIcKE4stkMSDnkwhzD7DOG36jyjWDF63yRnEe1JU157Rmmit97AKWsWi7MQmixgNbqy8tp4H-j8HDF4cxIpVEZJRCEEc6bXTE8EjQYfZ8cNTAQH1TTYexMxorEgbfI1jopXNc-H4MYw/s640/blogger-image-1696345253.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">This year has taken a lot out of me in every possible way. I can't tell you how much relief the weekends bring! Will I spend my time on anything worthwhile? Probably not. Other than seeing a visiting friend tomorrow, I'll likely spend my two days of freedom watching cat videos and eating whatever I can get my grubby hands on. But I will be home with my favourite person ever and I'll be wearing my pajamas all day, so I will call it a win.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">And that is my <b>Day 36 </b>- nothing insightful here<span style="font-family: 'Helvetica Neue Light', HelveticaNeue-Light, helvetica, arial, sans-serif;">, just a reaffirmation that I am 92% homebody.</span></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-50048533195234374402014-09-25T23:19:00.001-02:302014-09-26T23:28:31.330-02:30Days 34-35: Simplification and Snail Shells<div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-iG96ulgBUBrfKrGXwn_NDbGhG19JgLS2iad8rtNOc9Yr6OkkGalk5vcY80vicIWVv4idkitFeuFt_CS3Z4A0kgYvmmWhiacnHwtqKfzCTsHO-qGUBrq2qwjadyQZQWLyR0FKj5NWWbU/s640/blogger-image-1302250624.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-iG96ulgBUBrfKrGXwn_NDbGhG19JgLS2iad8rtNOc9Yr6OkkGalk5vcY80vicIWVv4idkitFeuFt_CS3Z4A0kgYvmmWhiacnHwtqKfzCTsHO-qGUBrq2qwjadyQZQWLyR0FKj5NWWbU/s640/blogger-image-1302250624.jpg"></a></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">I have been trying to focus on simplifying my life by cutting out the things that are not improving it or that are actively affecting it in a negative way. One thing I am learning is how to make that distinction, and how to know when to say no and to stand my ground. When you have been a people pleaser as long as I have, it is very hard to break out of that mold. But I know it is time to take care of myself, and I will do whatever I need to in order to make that possible.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">As you might imagine, restructuring one's life is not relaxing work. I am exhausted and run down already, but there are some things that badly need to be tied up and put on the shelf so that I can keep moving forward.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Physically and mentally, I am a bit of a mess. A post-partum body goes through so many changes, and I seem to be one of the lucky ones who gets most of the weird things. Like postpartum depression and anxiety, an excessively dry and itchy scalp, painful and unsightly eczema on my face...etc. It's a party and a half and I am worn out.</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b><br></b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><b>Days 34-35</b></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;">Today, I am just thankful for reasons to smile. Like the yummy dinner we had last night with some of Danny's new work contacts, and this teeny tiny snail shell that I found today. Isn't he cute?</div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div><div class="separator" style="clear: both;"><br></div>Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-37278723365907563252014-09-23T22:40:00.000-02:302014-09-23T22:40:00.454-02:30Days 30-34: I'm Still Here!<b>Days 30-34</b><br />
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I took a few days off from the blog to enjoy some time with Danny. Work took him on the road for almost two weeks straight and I was in sore need of some quality hubby time! I was thinking about thankfulness even without stopping in here; the great thing about this blog is that I now search through my days to find things to be thankful for. So here goes...<br />
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<b>A Step in the Right Direction</b><br />
We ordered Haven's headstone back in May and were told over and over again that it would be ready...soon. Well, it was finally installed last week and we went to visit our girly. It was hard to see it there; I guess making it "official" made it all seem more real, but I think that it will help bring a bit of closure too. I am so thankful that we were able to<br />
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I can't talk about the stone without also being thankful for all of the people who gave to us financially in the wake of Haven's death (they also gave to us in many other ways too that were and are appreciated!) Sadly, insurance companies do not recognize stillborn babies and do not provide for funeral costs, even though the costs are exactly the same as for a baby who happened to live for an hour outside the womb. Our friends, coworkers, family members, and even strangers reached out and gave to us, and it is only because of this financial generosity that we were able to afford Haven's beautiful funeral service and headstone. We are so, so, so grateful for the love our little family was shown when we were at our lowest. I am also grateful for the friends who spearheaded and organized the giving - it was such an incredibly thoughtful thing to do and it means the world to us (you guys know who you are).<br />
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Finally laying our little one to rest properly is a step in the right direction.<br />
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<b>Impromptu Road Trip</b><br />
One of our favourite things to do is to head out on the road and explore different parts of the island. We have been doing it every summer since I moved here back in 2007. Somehow, between Danny starting a new job this summer and me returning to work in June, we never had a chance to go out and explore anything. We spontaneously decided to head out to Flatrock for a little day adventure on Sunday, and I was so glad we did. It is a gorgeous, peaceful little spot. Next time, I will bring a picnic! A day out with Danny was just what I needed. The fresh air, beautiful scenery, and sunlight didn't hurt either!<br />
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<br />Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-34340014982227552142014-09-18T23:23:00.001-02:302014-09-23T20:25:40.992-02:30Day 29: And a Dollop of Sour Cream...<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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<b>Day 29</b></div>
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Today I am just thankful for the good evening I had with one of my closest friends. I have been having a rough few weeks, but I spent tonight cooking, then eating with my friend. I made my favourite comfort soup - Mexican Chicken and Black Bean. It was nice to have a good chat over a yummy meal. And wine. And pie. </div>
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A good evening indeed.</div>
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Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-18056622394314606572014-09-17T21:23:00.001-02:302014-09-23T20:25:58.502-02:30Day 28: The Silver Light<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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This morning, I had to run a work errand that took me downtown. I was almost back to my car when I realized I hadn't even looked up from my task long enough to enjoy the morning. I'm glad I took a moment to just soak it in. </div>
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I love the St. John's harbour, especially in the early morning when the light is thin and silver and everything looks more real somehow. A few years ago, I used to have to drop Danny off to work really early most mornings, so I would drive my car to the top of Signal Hill and watch the sunrise and the ships as they made their way into the harbour. Though we were going through tough times, I remember those mornings with fondness.</div>
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<b>Day 28</b></div>
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Well, I've rambled on as usual, but today I am just thankful for St. John's sunrises over the harbour and for being able to look back on hard times and still find fond memories.</div>
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Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-73527044352031487182014-09-16T22:34:00.001-02:302014-09-23T20:26:16.271-02:30Day 27: The Truth<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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Something that I have been learning lately is that truth sometimes comes from unlikely sources, but we can learn a lot about the world and ourselves if we are open to hearing it. </div>
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I have had more than one person tell me lately that I don't take very good care of myself. As I am wont to do, I was offended. But, as I am also wont to do, I went away and thought about it. These people were right. I don't eat well or exercise enough or feed my soul with activities that I know would bring me happiness. Why not? Sadly, deep down the answer is that I don't think I deserve it. I was shocked when I realized that. So I am trying to do better now. I started with a self date night yesterday since Danny was away. I had a nice meal and got a good night of sleep. I continued this morning with a nice breakfast at home ("egg toast" and a little slice with some jam) and healthy meals all day. I am going to try to treat myself how I would want my loved ones treated.</div>
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Another truth that came my way this week was delivered in a rather rude way. This person, who I deal with in a professional capacity, told me that we need to focus on one big thing at a time (though there were many big things which needed to be addressed at once). I was upset at the offensive way that this was delivered to me, but upon reflecting about it, I thought, "this person was right, but they missed the mark a bit." My anxiety does not make a lot of sense to someone who does not suffer from it. It takes seemingly normal tasks and events and turns them into worst case scenarios. The physical symptoms are scary and exhausting. But following this conversation, I realized that I needn't let my anxiety own me. There are some things I can do to minimize the pressure I am feeling. It is time to let some things go; to streamline my life. To focus on the things that matter - the "big things." See? Truth.</div>
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<b>Day 27</b></div>
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Today I am thankful that I am learning to <i>learn</i> and for the lessons that have come my way in the past few weeks. I hope that I continue to benefit from them and to listen with less offence the next time a lesson comes my way (no matter who the teacher is).</div>
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Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-18912365356579440402014-09-14T16:10:00.000-02:302014-09-17T21:10:57.224-02:30Day 26: Contemplation and Flowers<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Danny and I spent the weekend out at his mom and step-dad's cottage in central Newfoundland. I always love to visit; it is so peaceful there with floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the river. I sat out on the gravel (just up from the flower in this photo) and looked out over the river and listened to the burble of the water and the wind swishing the leaves. I could feel the past few weeks' stress seeping out of me as I breathed in the fresh air (and was eaten alive by sand flies I discovered later...but no matter).<br>
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I am a quiet contemplation sort of gal; I need the stillness to recharge and be restored. I brought along a book for the mini trip called "Hinds' Feet on High Places" by Hannah Hurnard (that is a whole lot of H's!) It is a story of transformation in the format of an allegory. It follows the journey of a lame and disfigured girl named Much-Afraid as she makes the trek from her home in the Valley of Humiliation to the <span style="font-family: inherit;">High Places with the guidance of the Shepherd and her two companions, Sorrow and Suffering. I read it as a young girl, but I had not lived enough to really grasp the depth of the story.</span><br>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Anyway, as I was reading, I came upon this little passage that I liked, so I'll share it with you:</span><br>
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.3199996948242px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">...in a lonely corner behind a wall she came upon a little golden-yellow flower, growing all alone. An old pipe was connected with a water tank. In the pipe was one tiny hole through which came an occasional drop of water. Where the drops fell one by one, there grew the little golden flower, though where the seed came from, Much-Afraid could not imagine, for there were no birds anywhere and no other living things.</span></span> </blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.3199996948242px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">She stopped over the lonely, lovely little golden face, lifted up so hopefully and so bravely to the feeble drip, and cried out softly, "What is your name, little flower, for I never saw one like you before."</span></span></blockquote>
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<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.3199996948242px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The tiny plant answered at once in a tone as golden as itself, "Behold me! My name is Acceptance-With-Joy."</span></span></blockquote>
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19.3199996948242px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">This passage and all of the others I have read so far made me think about the journey I have been on this year. Though I don't believe that the pain in my life was caused by anything or anyone, and though I would trade everything I have learned to rewrite history and have my daughter back, I do believe that I have been given a chance to learn and grow and <i>become</i> as a result of this tragedy. I realized early on that I have very little<span style="font-family: inherit;"> control over the circumstances of my life, but I <i>do</i> own my reactions to those circumstances. In the end, it is all I own; I am "</span></span></span><span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">wretched<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"> </span>and miserable <span style="background-color: #fdfeff; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"></span>and poor<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"> </span>and blind<span style="background-color: #fdfeff; line-height: 20px; text-align: justify;"> </span>and naked." Acceptance with joy...that is something I am working on.</span><br>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;"><b>Day 26</b></span><br>
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<span style="color: black; font-family: inherit;">I am just thankful for the solitude and peace I found this weekend. After a long, hard month, it made me feel able to tackle the upcoming week and all of its challenges.</span><br>
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<br>Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-31917960951111172492014-09-12T23:13:00.001-02:302014-09-14T15:31:22.099-02:30Day 25: Snug Bug Weekend<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">I'm not what you would call a physically affectionate person; it's just not the way I was raised. You don't see me hanging off of my friends and it's pretty unlikely that you'll see me touch someone's arm during a conversation. I hug only my closest friends (when I remember to) unless there is something big happening.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Aaaand then there is Danny. Apparently I <i>am</i> a touch person, but with only one source! When I met him, I discovered that I love snuggles. I am constantly on the lookout for an opportunity to burrow my way into his side (he protests a lot but I usually win).</span></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: inherit;">Day 25 </span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">After several days apart, Danny and I are back together today. And, like a barnacle, I have been attached to his side. Thank goodness for snuggles and the weekend!</span></div>
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Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-68442910928893240512014-09-11T22:16:00.000-02:302014-09-11T22:17:12.022-02:30Days 23 & 24: Gifts and Silence<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<b>Days 23 & 24</b><br />
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Yesterday was a rough one and I was still feeling the aftershocks today. I am thankful for the two friends who carried me through. One gave me a thoughtful little gift and card and the other just listened. In <a href="http://maptojoy.blogspot.ca/2014/09/day-20-empathy.html" target="_blank">the post about empathy</a>, I talk about friends who are able to just be there with you. These two know how to do that.<br />
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I know some people may have been expecting this to be a cheerful blog (I might have even thought that), but I am coming to realize that being thankful is a choice. The truth is that I struggle and I have to go searching for reasons to be thankful at times. This won't always be a happy place, but it will be an honest one.<br />
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On another note, I have gotten a lot of positive feedback on the post about empathy, and that got me thinking about maybe doing a feature post about how to help a grieving friend (and how not to help!) I could seriously write a book on the subject, so I will give it some thought.<br />
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<br />Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-50206970028352987532014-09-09T20:58:00.001-02:302014-09-14T15:31:48.633-02:30Day 22: Talky Talky<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It was a long day in many senses of the word and I'm pretty depleted, but at the end of it all I got to have a nice little conversation with someone I love...<br />
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<b>Day 22</b></div>
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Today I am just thankful for FaceTime. When I first got this iPhone, I thought, "what the heck do I need with all this gadgetry?!" Well, now I know better.</div>
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Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-76477921239246117942014-09-08T22:28:00.001-02:302014-09-09T09:34:24.508-02:30Day 21: Darkness...and Cheese<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">When a person who is grieving becomes depressed, it can be really hard to distinguish between the two. I'll admit that there have been many days since The Worst Day when I have wanted to stop fighting, when I have thought, "what is the point of any of this?" For months, I was seriously depressed, and even the act of getting out of bed and getting dressed in the morning almost took more than I had. The anxiety I felt on top of that was paralyzing. I am still struggling with both of these things, though it has improved somewhat since I have taken steps to enter life again (like going back to work). Life takes a whole lot of energy - you don't realize just how much until you don't have it</span> anymore. It takes even more energy to stifle your pain in order to appear normal.<br />
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It has been a battle this year to find reasons to smile again, reasons to believe that life is good and that there is hope and the possibility of future happiness.<br />
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These feelings are very heavy. They weigh on a heart.<br />
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<b>Day 21</b><br />
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Today I am grateful for Danny, who was one of the only reasons I continued to get out of bed each morning this year. He always encourages me, holds me, and makes me laugh. And, on days like today, he knows that what I need is to come home to a clean house and a home cooked meal laced with cheese.<br />
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<br />Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-25486018528718535142014-09-07T18:14:00.002-02:302014-09-07T18:32:46.717-02:30Day 20: Empathy<div>
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I know I talk about empathy a lot, but that is because it is something I didn't understand before and now appreciate so very much. You cannot empathize with someone until you yourself have been brought low. I think you are a bit 2D until you have suffered; I know that I have been given new eyes since February 14 of this year. I look at struggling friends and family and I <i>feel</i> them now. I may not intimately know the details of their circumstances, but I do know what pain feels like. Suffering will give you gifts if you let it.<br />
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When you have been through a traumatic experience which shakes you to the core and reroutes your life, people don't know what to do or to say. Unfortunately, that often means that people try to grasp at the closest thing that they have experienced (or that someone close to them has experienced) and try to give advice from that place. Advice is not what a hurting person needs; it is simple love and understanding. And the occasional hot meal doesn't hurt either. :)<br />
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I have received "advice" and pat encouragements from everyone you can imagine; close friends and family members, strangers, and acquaintances. There are times that I have resented it, and I feel a little bad for that because I know the intention is to comfort, not to gouge. But the balm to my soul is the meaningful look, the "I'm sorry" with a hand on my shoulder, and the person not shying away from my pain or trying to change the subject or cheer me up. You can't cheer up a person who has buried their child. You just can't.<br />
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Truly, the greatest gift you can give a hurting person is your ear. Without changing the subject, without trying to cheer up the conversation. Just listening unflinchingly, no matter how ugly the pain that pours out of the person's mouth. Grief and pain are ugly and there is no getting around that. What you are saying to your hurting person by changing the subject or trying to encourage the person or cheer them up is that you do not have time to really hear them and that they make you uncomfortable. You are telling them that they cannot trust you with their heart. I can tell you from experience that it is incredibly alienating and has made me pull my pain inward even further.<br />
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<b>Day 20</b><br />
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All of that to say, I am again so thankful for the people in my life who have listened. Who have hugged me and fed me and heard me out. Who have let me cry and let me express what is on the inside, no matter how ugly. I am thankful for the other loss mamas in my life who have walked beside me behind the scenes. For those who still take the time to check in with me from time to time. For those who realize that my laughter or my silence are not indicators that I have "moved on" somehow - there are days that still cut to the core. Days like today, when the tears can't be staunched.<br />
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I found some quotes that I'll share:<br />
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“Love is about bottomless empathy, born out of the heart’s revelation that another person is every bit as real as you are. And this is why love, as I understand it, is always specific. Trying to love all of humanity may be a worthy endeavor, but, in a funny way, it keeps the focus on the self, on the self’s own moral or spiritual well-being. Whereas, to love a specific person, and to identify with his or her struggles and joys as if they were your own, you have to surrender some of your self.” </blockquote>
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― Jonathan Franzen, Farther Away</blockquote>
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"No one cares how much you know until they know how much you care” </blockquote>
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― Theodore Roosevelt</blockquote>
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“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives means the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares.” </blockquote>
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― Henri J.M. Nouwen, Out of Solitude: Three Meditations on the Christian Life</blockquote>
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“I call him religious who understands the suffering of others.” </blockquote>
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― Mahatma Gandhi</blockquote>
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“There is no small act of kindness. Every compassionate act makes large the world.” </blockquote>
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― Mary Anne Radmacher</blockquote>
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“As the pain that can be told is but half a pain, so the pity that questions has little healing in its touch. What Lily craved was the darkness made by enfolding arms, the silence which is not solitude, but compassion holding its breath.” </blockquote>
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― Edith Wharton, The House of Mirth</blockquote>
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“The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen.” </blockquote>
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― Elisabeth Kübler-Ross</blockquote>
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“There's something in everyone only they know.” </blockquote>
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― Ben Harper</blockquote>
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<br />Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-540007952293873232014-09-06T21:48:00.001-02:302014-09-07T18:18:15.708-02:30Day 19: First Day of Class<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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I work for a dance school on the administrative side, and I always love the fall with all of its excitement. The kids in their new dance gear and big smiles on their faces - it always makes me smile too.</div>
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<b>Day 19</b></div>
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Today I am just thankful for a great first day of the 2014-2015 dance year. It was lovely to see so many new and returning families - especially the smiles on the faces of the kids as they came out of their classes (my favourite today was one little girl who said to her mom, "can we come back next week? I love my class!") This stuff makes all the hard work feel worth it. :)</div>
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Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-40553855357863168972014-09-04T22:09:00.001-02:302014-09-07T18:17:49.398-02:30Day 18: Sip by Sip<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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I was given a gift in life; I have always been able to find pleasure in the small things no matter how life is going.</div>
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I am thankful for tea today. Yeah, tea! It's like a hug for your stomach. I'm going to keep this one simple... Two words: Forever Nuts. Dollop of milk and a teaspoon of sugar. Divine. Plus, it's pink! </div>
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Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-40048582506782787162014-09-03T23:30:00.001-02:302014-09-07T18:19:31.607-02:30Day 17: Veterans<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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"How can you expect a man who's warm to understand one who's cold?" </div>
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I'm sure Solzhenitsyn had deeper and more specific reasons for writing this, but this excerpt struck me when I first read One Day in the Life of Ivan Denisovitch. There are some things that a person just can't know unless they have experienced them. Grief, for example. Especially a complicated grief like ours. </div>
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A friend and I were talking this week about sympathy vs. empathy. While both can be comforting, the latter is especially so; when you feel like an alien in the throng, having someone beside you who you know <i>gets</i> it...well, it really means a lot. When we were first thrust onto this path, I felt so incredibly alone, but now I know that there are so many like us trying to find their footing and to make sense of life in the face of tragedy.</div>
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<b>Day 17</b></div>
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Today I am thankful for the loss moms I have met in my internet travels these past six months. Though we are not in daily contact, I always appreciate them reaching out to see how I am doing, and I have appreciated hearing their stories and watching them work through similar feelings and troubles. Some of them have taken the brave step of becoming pregnant again and I admire them so very much. They are so strong! </div>
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I would be remiss in not also mentioning the handful of friends who, while they do not understand our grief firsthand, have not shied away from it. Those friends are a breath of fresh air. I know that it is not easy to find the balance, so those who do...we soak that in.</div>
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Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-59689241007993712152014-09-01T23:57:00.001-02:302014-09-12T23:14:12.607-02:30Day 16: Impromptu Date<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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I love impromptu dates with the hubs - today I am just thankful for lazy movie snuggles and almost-midnight snacks.</div>
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(I am sure you have noticed I have not been posting every day. Rather than get stressed out by the need to post every day, I'm just posting when I am inspired!)</div>
Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-73695124416192848172014-08-31T08:56:00.001-02:302014-09-07T18:22:37.402-02:30Day 15: Chatterbox<div>
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When I was younger, I suffered terrible social anxiety. I couldn't look people in the eye and I would often tremble and sweat as I stood in a group of people. Sometimes, after spending time in a group, I would go home and cry from the exertion it took to keep myself together long enough to appear normal.<br />
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Thankfully, the right combination of jobs and friends (and a whole lot of concentrated effort) brought me to the place I am now, where my social anxiety is much lessened and I can generally talk to anyone without feeling it much.</div>
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This all came to mind the last few days as we said goodbye to a couple with whom we had built a friendship this spring (they moved to another province). In the past, I never would have put in the effort to get to know someone new because I found it so difficult. I also thought of this last night as I got to know a gal from our church who I hadn't spoken with before. It just wouldn't have happened before. I had so much fun laughing with her!</div>
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I am grateful for the series of circumstances that brought me to where I am today with regard to my ability to be social. I can't imagine how much I was missing out on before! The world is full of amazing, funny, generous people. </div>
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Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-65028410873132277412014-08-30T01:50:00.001-02:302014-09-09T09:35:19.748-02:30Day 14: A Hand to Hold<span style="font-family: inherit;">Life is hard some days, especially when careless, hurtful words come my way and when worries make my heart race.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Today I am thankful that I have a hand to hold and someone to make me laugh...that is almost always what gets me through.</span></div>
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Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-90886349417152857812014-08-28T23:26:00.001-02:302014-09-07T18:24:25.607-02:30Day 13: #TBT<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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Today, I saw a lot of photos going up for #TBT and I thought it might be fun to put one up myself (I haven't done it before). This one is of me and my friend Nancy having a silly moment during a hangout some random night.</div>
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<b>Day 13</b></div>
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Today, I am thankful for the many memories I have of time spent with my near and dear. </div>
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Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-69098390837941599502014-08-27T22:23:00.001-02:302014-08-27T22:23:39.327-02:30Day 12: HeatA year and a half ago, I was in a car accident and injured my back and neck. I have been going to therapy ever since and have seen some improvement and some flare-ups. Lately it has been more of the latter and I have been in a lot of pain.<div><br></div><div><b>Day 12</b></div><div><br></div><div>Today I am hurting pretty badly and can barely lift my arms. So I am really just thankful for the massage I will be attending tomorrow and for the heat pad that will be keeping me company tonight.</div><div><br></div><div><br></div>Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-41925387532452634712014-08-27T00:58:00.001-02:302014-09-07T18:25:51.241-02:30Day 11: Wonderful Peeps<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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When you live in a university town, you meet a lot of people who are in transition. It is hard to get attached to folks you like, because there is a good chance you will be saying goodbye before too long. But we still take the chance sometimes and I think in the end it is worth it.</div>
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<b>Day 11</b></div>
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Today I am thankful for the great people we have met in the past few years, two of whom we hung out with tonight. Though we will miss you guys, we are glad to have met you.</div>
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Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-3105203081255866072014-08-25T22:23:00.001-02:302014-09-07T18:27:07.904-02:30Day 10: A Why to Live<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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I read a quote by Nietzsche recently that I thought was really cool: "He who has a why to live can bear almost any how."</div>
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<b>Day 10</b></div>
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Today I am thankful that I have always had a "why." Though there have been a few dark times in my life when I have thought it would be better if I did not wake up tomorrow, there was always a "why" that kept me going. For me, it has been my faith, my family and friends, and my wonderful husband. I am eternally grateful for each. I would not be where I am today without them.</div>
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Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-12716909347611855722014-08-23T14:31:00.000-02:302014-09-09T09:36:24.320-02:30Day 9: No<div>
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<span style="font-family: inherit;">Today, I am thankful that, at certain times in my life, I was told "no" and did not get what I wanted, but instead was given what I needed. In retrospect, being denied some desires saved me from paths that would have made my life more difficult or taken my joy. Sometimes "no" is the best thing for us.</span></div>
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Brandihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/15630757387966832038noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5527154671277193020.post-46123482811440645772014-08-23T00:34:00.001-02:302014-08-23T14:32:09.043-02:30Day 8: Date Night<div class="separator" style="clear: both;">
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Today I am simply thankful for the fun IMAX movie date I had with Danny (Guardians of the Galaxy!), followed by a laugh-filled games night with our friends. It was just what I needed after a stressful week.</div>
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